I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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