There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
