ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
