Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
