sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
