she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
