FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
