1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
