u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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