He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
