On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize