toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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