I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
false alarm, still single
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
