Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I deserve this hangover.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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