Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
