omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
