erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
