Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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