So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
