My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
