How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Couch. On fire.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
