I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
