I hate all girls vehemently.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i will never coherently bang her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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