I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize