and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
