She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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