The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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