I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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