I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize