worst night to have a conscience
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
