It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
