THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
