I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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