how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
