It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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