My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize