i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
