Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
