How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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