Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
