I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
