I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
