In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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