oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize