All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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