Can i not drive my cunt home
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
