I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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