Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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