I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
