What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
