I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
