DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
