no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
