I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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