well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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