I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
