I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
