you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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