If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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