just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
