Say something about gay babies.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
