WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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