I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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