Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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