i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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