I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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