wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
