My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
