I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He better not be in your backpack
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
