we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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