I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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