hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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