The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
