New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
