My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
