The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
