Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
