What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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