he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
