If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
