my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
