Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
