I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
