my shit smells like andre
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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