you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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