Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
