Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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