i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize