for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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