So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to sanitize my soul.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
