Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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