just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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