Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
