please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
