I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
