She went from zero to smokin in five shots
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
