so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
