The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
