those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
